Ralph found himself remembering times in his life when he'd hit the emotional equivalent of a cold spot while swimming or clear air turbulence while flying. You'd be cruising along through your day, sometimes feeling great, sometimes just feeling okay, but getting along and getting it done...and then, for no apparent reason at all, you'd go down in flames and crash. A sense of What the hell's the use would slide over you - unconnected to any real event in your life at that moment but incredibly powerful all the same - and you felt like simply creeping back to bed and pulling the covers up over your head.
                                     - Stephen King, Insomnia, Page 683.

I start back at uni tomorrow. It's hard to believe that I am in the middle of my second year at uni. I never thought my life would go this way. I'm not exactly complaining. I just thought life would be different.

Anyway here's some important things you should know.

- My cousins girlfriend is having a baby boy. The baby is due some time in September.
- Another of my cousins girlfriend gave birth to a baby girl the other month.
- I finally got paid from working at that school.
- It's just over two months until the Bad Religion/NOFX gig. I am still yet to find someone to go with.
- I managed to get tickets for the Green Day mosh.
- I might be going to study in California next year for three months. I'm not sure if it will be at the beginning or end of the year.
- No progress has been made with my ability to walk in heels. Due to my lack of interest to practise.
- I made a friend who does the same course at my uni through VampireFreaks. Turns out he is 25 when he looks 20.
- In a bid to keep my life on track this semester I set up a 24hour schedule for myself. Who think's it will last?
- My writing skills have improved, I think so anyway. I've written some poems and stuff. I'm scared to share them with anyone, because I don't think they make much sense.
- This weekend I'll have the house to myself. My family is going to Coffs Harbour to stay with my Nan since it is a year since my Pa died. I've invited all my friends, but it's safe to say I'm going to be there on my own.
- Kristy still hasn't spoken to me. I'm not surprised or upset about it.
- A Geisha is not a prostitute.
- I'm a better worker when I don't eat as much. NOTE: A peanut butter and jelly sandwhich for every 8 hours of work might make you complete all the work on time but it's bad for your health.

Hmm I think that is all. I'm off to watch Fight Club.

Time slows down as I walk up these steps.

First step, the hardest of them all.
But my mind was made up before I got here.
Am I still making the decisions?
Does it even matter if I'm not?

Second step, fumble with the rope.
Careful I don't fall.
You know I wouldn't want to hurt myself.
Kind of funny, isn't it?

Third step, hold on tight.
The wind blowing my shirt around my head.
Trying to drag me back down the ladder.
Pleading with me; there's no time for outside voices now.

Fourth step, wipe away a tear.
Keep lifting my heavy feet.
I wish I could stay.
But this is the right thing to do.

Fifth step, tie the knot.
Make sure it'll hold.
Make it impossible to come undone.
I don't need to be saved.

Sixth step, don't think about who I'm leaving behind.
They'll read the note.
They'll know I'm sorry.
But they won't miss me anyway.

Seventh step, let go and breathe easy,
It's going to be my last.

"Fallen Angel"
....how fitting that that song was playing when I started my car this morning.

Okay so I'm sitting at the family computer, right?
Which is right next to the front door.
Someone signs into MSN with a dirty profile photo.
I shout: OH MY GOD THAT PENIS IS HUGE!!!!!
Directly after I shouted there was a knock at my front door.
It was a school kid asking if we're selling the Mazda, with a smirk on his face.
I'm not even sure that that car is a Mazda, it just has a Mazda sticker on the back.
It's broken anyway.
But this kid's friend was waiting in a car out the front.
He looked hott.
Is it wrong for me to perve on high school kids now that I'm 19?
Oh god I'm a *can't remembers the word* it ends in file....like pedofile, but I think starts with a "H" and means the person likes teeangers.

If I interpreted my dream correctly I will:

- Undertake something that I don't understand.
- Enjoy learning in a quiet way.
- Suffer sickness, poverty, affront, fatigue or feel freedom from social restraints.
- Achieve success.
- Suffer disappointment, afflictions and my life will be saddened.
- Lack confidence in work or a relationship.

Hmm I don't know....maybe dreams mean nothing and are just there from stopping our brains from thinking we're dead while we're sleeping and shutting down our body.

"...So then what are you doing?"
"Making a mistake, okay?"

I'm addicted to attention and I can't get it any other way.
I hate myself for doing this to me.
But I can't stop it.

I hate people who think things are so black and white.
And even though you've told them they don't know the hole story they still think they do.
And when someone says "it's not ENTIRELY all his fault"
don't take this as "it's not his fault at ALL"